The Toilet Monster
by Donna of the Grey
Summary: Ron has been screaming at night, and Bill is confused. What is this Toilet Monster he speaks off? Pre-Hogwarts fic.


I **want to **_thank _the reviewers _of _this **fic. It's **a **Weasley ** fic _baby_! **C**rack **pa**i_rin_gs are _fun._

X_X_x**I am **the _crack!pairing_** fuzzy alpaca. _Rawr._**X_X_x

**Cat Rain. **_kyolovestomato. _Donna of the Grey.

It doesn't matter.

**Review.**

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Screaming.

Screaming.

Utterly screaming.

And it was driving him mad.

What had possessed Ron to wake up screaming at midnight for the past three days was beyond Bill's comprehension. He groaned as the loud and mousy squeals arrose, making their way through the hallway and under the crevice of his door.

"Nooo!"

He could already imagine it. Kicking, tossing, and definately wetting the bed. He did not want to clean Ron's pee from the mattress, Bill decided. No way in hell. Not even if Molly barged into the room with a large leather boot and pounded his head into the floor.

After Fred and George, there was just no way. And due to the fact that Molly and Arthur weren't home and he was in charge of the children, he made his way into Ron's room. He was crying and furiously rubbing at his eyes and was muttering something to himself.

"What's wrong?" Bill asked as he walked in.

Ron looked up, brown eyes watering. "I had a nightmawe."

Bill rolled his eyes. Children's constant replacting of 'r's annoyed him to no end, but he had a duty to take care of the younger ones, otherwise he wouldn't live to see another day. He leaned down. "What about?" His voice with a tinge of mock interest.

"The Toilet Monstehw."

**What the hell?**

"Toilet Monster? Where in the world did you-? Was it Fred and George again?"

"No! He's weal! I saw him, I swahe!"

_Twitch. Twitch._

Incorrect language pissed Bill off. Greatly.

"He guwgles and sputtaws . . . he's weally mean!" Ron exclaimed and waved his arms wildly trying to make a point. Brown eyes frantic and fearful. He began to hop and kept chanting, "Weally!"

After a good two minutes, Bill began to get angry and very annoyed. He slammed his hand on Ron's head and caused the bouncing to cease. Letting out an infuriated sigh, Bill turned to face the door. "Let's go see then."

"Oh-kay."

They walked over to the bathroom; Ron clinging to Bill the entire way. The candles flicked on and soon the bathroom was filled with their orange and magenta glow. Bill looked around and finally narrowed his eyes, glaring at Ron's direction. "So . . . where is this Toilet Monster?"

In a hushed whisper, Ron pointed towards the toilet. "Thewe."

Bills blinked, his gaze casting over the ebony of the toilet. He blinked again and started laughing. "That's not a monster! You just got scared when you flushed it. It always makes those sounds, see?" He pulled down the lever at the top and the water swirled and churned before getting swept into the hole at the bottom.

Ron trembled.

"It's just a stupid toilet."

_Kick_.

"Who ye calling stupid, heh?" The voice boomed loudly.

Bill jumped back startled and his jaw hit the floor. Two bumps arose in the toilet and spun before forming two little beady eyes. Each glaring coldly at the older Weasley brother. The lid bounced up and down as it spoke.

"Now listen here buddy, I've had to take your crap all these years. I's been time ye show me some respect! Heh? Heh?!" The toilet roared. "Cause I will kick your butt, you hear? I'm straight up gangsta. G-G-G-G-Unit!"

"What the fu--! Did Fred and George bewitch the toilet?" Bill yelled angrily.

"Hey! I'm not just the toilet!" The toilet screamed and let out a gurgle. Before any of the Weasleys knew what was going on, a large splash of water landed on them. Both coughed from the putrid smell and wiped at their faces furiously.

"My name's Larry!"

More water poured out of the toilet and shot out in different directions, both boys screaming and dodging the speedy water that was flying everywhere. A vase broke and many candles were extinguished, giving the room a darker glow.

"Gahhhhhhh!"

"Dodge the water! Dodge the--! Blaghhh!"

Larry laughed wildly. "How you like that?" The toilet bowl seemed to laugh, lid bouncing up and down madly. Larry even seemed to shake, and the nails holding him down to the floor were squeaking and untwisting.

**Oh, no.**

"What the heck's going on?" Fred asked as he walked in, followed by a drowsy George. Both stared at the toilet and it stared back. "Hey, Larry's finally talking!" They exclaimed in unison. Bill and Ron stared at each other and then at the two twins who were hopping excitedly around Larry.

"YOU MADE HIM?" Bill roared angrily while pointing an accusing finger at the two twins. "We didn't make him." Fred answered and George nodded before adding, "We just enchanted the toilet."

It's the same thing.

"YOU LITTLE SONOFAB--!"

Larry let ouf a soft gurgle and chuckled, water spilling with each noise it made. The toilet shook and then stared back at them. "I tell ya, older red haired boy, that I am now the boss! Now you better listen hyaa."

"I'm not listening to no frickin' toilet, damnit!" Bill shouted. "Now you two better get rid of it or I'll--!"

_Screeeeeek_.

"Please excuse me, but I must really be going to the bathroom," Percy responded as he walked in. "My, such a mess. Bill, what did you do? Surely with your dimwitted brain you could clean this dirty water! It smells rather horrid." No one paying attention to him as they listened to the toilet continue with his lecture.

"Ah, well." Percy pushed between the small crowd that was his brothers and unzipped his pants and proceeded to do his business right into the toilet. In other words, Larry's mouth. He became very angry and let out a shot of water that collided into Percy and sent him flying through the room. All that was heard was the sickening crunch of the ceiling breaking and Percy's womanly screams as he flew out into the cold air.

"Oh, shit."

XxSquee!xX

_That was fun. Larry is secksome._

**Percy went out the ceiling. :0**

Donna of the Grey.

Signing out.


End file.
